I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
