onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
