True but thats because hes a fetus.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
