i can't believe i had my finger in that
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
