i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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