just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
