I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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