Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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