Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
