4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
