I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
