I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
