I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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