So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
