I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
