She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
