So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
