I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
