I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize