i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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