I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize