I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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