Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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