8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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