I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
zippers are such a cool invention
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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