Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
