He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
