eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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