I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
