i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
