Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
