So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
