Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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