I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
