nut hugger
I am midnight drunk by noon
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
