that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
