Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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