the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
