I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
