I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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