I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
