Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
