Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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