she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
