This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
