considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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