I want to stick my p in your. b.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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