Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize