How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
