it wasn't lemon gatorade
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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