Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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