His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
