The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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