Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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