you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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