he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
