puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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