I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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