I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
