corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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