im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
