woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I touched a dick in church today
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
