it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
