Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
high people should be assigned attendants
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
