she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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