Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize