good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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