youre lurking in front of me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
