Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
