TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
