yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
